I’ve really started to think about the word resilience in the past few weeks. Its been a word and term used in many conversations I’ve had with colleagues.
But its not just the word, I’m also trying to understand what it means. How do we achieve it? Who’s responsibility is it to achieve resilience? Mine? The people I work with? The Trust I work for? Can you learn to be resilient or are you born with that skill? What is is it that demonstrates you re resilient and more to the point, how do you demonstrate it now, in the midst of a pandemic?
Is it bending like a sapling, flexing as the pressure of the wind rises and falls?
Is it the ability to protect the other trees in your field, allow the wind to push and press against you or show others the benefit of flexing or is it standing stock still like an oak as the wind whips around…?
I’m struggling with that.
My inclination is to demonstrate how the pressure affects me. To not always be the same. To show and share the emotions. Showing the impact of the wind.
This last week I stood in front of my peers and colleagues and said… I’m not OK, I’m probably a little broken.
I’m well aware of how I recharge, being an I, the emptier the room the better. I’ve spent a long time at sharp point of change. At the forefront of a blowing wind. I’m not programmed to do this naturally, but I have learnt to adapt. But eventually I need to reboot and charge. I’ve spent along time working from my reserves.
So. Does that mean because I feel that way I’m not resilient…or do my actions to address the way I’m feeling define that I can be.
So, are we always resilient or does having an emotional moment mean I cant wear that badge anymore?
I think its OK. Show vulnerability. Show humanity to encourage others to do the same. Demonstrate that as carers, trying to deliver safe healthcare is incredibly challenging and that we are feeling the impact of this.
I can’t let this wind blow me down….and its not likely that the wind will let up. It was a purple wind. Then blue and now green with dots of suspicious blue. No matter the colour it’s ability to blow and swirl like a Kansas tornado has not altered one bit.
So. Time to flex. Time to stretch. Time to breathe around the wind and allow it to blow. That’s what it’s meant to do. It’s up to me to be flexible. That’s the control I have, not over the wind. Or the change. Or the pressure.
Time to watch and learn to how I react, how my team react and how my family react. Time to see what I can do different with the next increase in pressure.
So am I broken really?
Probably a part of me, but then I think that is the part of me that’s changing.
as one part of you doesn’t fit with the world you are in, that part needs to adapt.
Who knows, this is pretty much a first for most people.
Let’s see whats happens next, I’ve got a coaching session planned next week. Goodness know what that will make me write!