Leading the life I chose/choose

I am lucky enough to be leading the life I chose. Not everyone can say that.

I’ve not got everything 100% perfect, but for the main part of my life each step and choice is within that life I’ve set out for me and is inside my family’s wishes. As some one brighter than me said…I am the architect of my potential futures.

So whilst my job feels really hard to deliver at the moment, it is the job I chose. It is the job I trained to do. It is the pathway I’ve made for myself it’s just evolving day to day in a way that doesn’t allow me to achieve what I set out to do on a daily basis.

Time therefore to relay the pathway again, check my course is still true and the daily view is what I want to see. Time to check with my family we are all on the journey we want to be on. With one son in a new school set up to deliver the care/education he needs and one in a newly started apprenticeship, the change in what we now experience on a daily basis is considerable. It feels a good point to stop and reflect.

I ended the week feeling topped off in terms of stress. Fizzed to the core. It’s too be expected, its full gas at the moment. Not a lot of time to think, a lot of problems requiring thought to solve and a never ending shifting sand of priorities to meet (but the ability to enjoy these should be in every NHS job description). Rising cases (how high do they need to go before they are no longer rising just really, really high) and occupancy (beds with patients in them) at a level where there are more awaiting a bed than is available and exhausted staff.

October 20 to March 21 was hectic but now it feels like its constantly busy and we’re just learning how to get used to always working/ thinking at that pace….deep breaths required..regularly.

Its holiday time so a week off following another block of work done. A new week to learn how to unwind again. Learn how to stop and unplug from the high energy of work. It takes time.

Unwinding for me involves a lot of reading, listening to music, time in the outdoors and a guitar in my hand doing anything that will slow the thinking down. A blog post I read this week stood out for me, it described the NHS and all that it is currently achieving (and under pressure to achieve). The headline of the blog said…..there are no superheroes, it’s just lots of ordinary people doing extraordinary things every chance they can….I wish I could remember where it s but I haven’t been able to find it again since, another wander down the twitter rabbit hole I can’t find the beginning of! The point is, it made me reflect on how in my subconscious part of me has been working through each day hoping for a superhero to arrive. Not the muscle bound, exposed to radiation and wearing a cape type of hero. Instead the kind who would arrive and remove all the pressure, unblock the barricaded doors of bureaucracy and solve the wicked problems. All the while wondering why the problems keep coming to my team and I to solve.

Some where deep down I’ve been hoping that person would arrive and eventually it would all go away. Take the stress, Remove the pressure. Reflecting on these thoughts made me realise how that was leading to a feeling of resentment. So time to reframe that thought and stop thinking that someone else is going to fix this and focus instead on what has been achieved, what’s planned for the near future and what we’ve got on our table to solve.

Time to plan how to help my team of ordinary (but wonderful) people do extraordinary things more frequently. Time to share, delegate, talk and listen more often.

And to end with another phrase I heard somewhere else…..action rising out of insight into what is required is more effective than action rising out of negativity.